u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
