Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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