Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
