I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
