My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
