cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
