I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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