he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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