No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
