This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
