There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
