please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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