i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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