I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
and you fell through a lawn chair
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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