did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
