I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
