I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My feet surprised me
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