Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
