where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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