i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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