you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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