he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
