I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
