The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
