Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
