you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
