it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
