you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
