I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Randomize
