just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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