Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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