So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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