This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fuck appropriateness.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
