I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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