I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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