a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
