He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
