Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
