It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
