I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
