Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
