just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
