Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
