You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
