Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
