he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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