i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
