no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
