Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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