1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
