i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
